These types have been let down by those who should have been there for them. Their coping mechanism is to never get too close to some one for they fear they will lose control and become hurt. If you’re cool with the push pull drama from her abandonment/intimacy problems, by all means stay with her. Girls like this work best with guys who are sociopathic . You’re clearly not this guy or you wouldn’t be posting here.
Communication won’t transform your relationship overnight, but it can have a positive impact over time. Continue to be open and honest with your partner and show them that it’s okay to trust you. In therapy, your partner can address the root cause of the abandonment issues, which can lead to a newfound sense of peace and clarity. They’ll work through the negative self-talk that perpetuates the fear, too, and they’ll discover healthy ways to cope with anxiety. Sometimes, couples counseling is valuable for dealing with abandonment issues.
Then, also, with time, I really do think you get a more objective take on it, and their position becomes clearer anyway. You’ll probably understand, in time, his position, more than he does. I truly believe that it will all be worth it in the end.
Alternatively, they may seek a wealthy, flashy, confident older male who appears to be in command. Children who have been abused frequently blame themselves for what has happened. Childhood trauma, neglect, and sexual abuse can all leave them ashamed. It also increases their chances of developing depression and post-traumatic stress disorder . Intense declarations of their love or appreciation for you. Reaching out more frequently when you don’t respond.
Anger Issues
Try to remember that she’s not doing this because of you—she’s doing it because of her past experiences. Nonverbal communication will strengthen your relationship. People with abandonment issues often pick up on the body language of others, so your partner may be picking up on signals you’re not even aware of. Check in with her so she can express her emotions often. People with a fear of abandonment often have a tough time expressing themselves, especially if they feel they might be judged for it.
Its pretty easy to sit here and say throw her to the curb and those guys that say it are probably right. However, you shouldn’t paint everybody with one brush stroke and only you know all the details and if she is worth being patient for. 99% of guys will do exactly as Die Hard says they will stay until they get to the THEN bit. I guarantee 99% of guys will not listen to a word of advice on this forum regarding these women, me included and still dived in for round 2. If you already have girls calling you at all hours of the day and night, showing up at your door, throwing themselves at you everywhere you go… “Another day, another opportunity to kick life’s ass.”
Less prone to risky behavior
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Cycling Through Relationships
In certain cases, to support this view, a person with BPD may make up a scenario where their favourite person is connected to them in the way the former aspires to connect with them. This made-up world also positions the favourite person as being properly responsive to the emotional needs of a person with BPD. For someone who has never experienced this, it can be shocking, if not concerning. For those familiar with the Borderline Personality Disorder relationship cycle, it can seem all too familiar. While not every person will spiral to the extreme state mentioned above, some do. Below we take a moment to examine the BPD relationship cycle.
These are just some of the things that i had when i felt the way that he might be feeling. Reassure him that as long as he treats you the way he treats you that you will be by his side for as long as he wants you. And just asking questions to yourself like “is he worth it to you?” Just try to spend as much time together as you can.
No, you can’t take away your partner’s issues, but you can encourage them to get the help they need. Therapy can help people with abandonment issues begin to process their abandonment trauma, reframe negative thought patterns, and develop healthy coping strategies. Even though it can be difficult, it’s important to set healthy relationship boundaries. Don’t be afraid to spend time on your own or with friends, even if it makes your partner anxious or upset. Enabling someone might make them feel better in the short term, but it can hurt you both in the long run. Working through each abandonment fear will require you to prove yourself.
This person that I now love may decide to just leave one day.” I’m pretty patient, rational, calm, tend to look at the big picture and not afraid to be a hard a$$ and issue some tough love. I also set boundaries, let her know what I expect, and do what I said I’d do if she oversteps those boundaries. With my girl, all of this is about learned behaviors.
Because of this distrust, men with mother abandonment issues sometimes feel the need to control you or the relationship. Keeping secrets or making empty promises can damage even healthy relationships. The damage is even worse when you’re in a relationship with a person with abandonment issues.
